My Rulebook

I have found that the lack of clarity is one of the major factors that keeps us from living our best lives. Sometimes, I face a moral dilemma- what should I do? Many times, I do things that don't improve my life in the time I should be doing things that do. Sometimes I act in a way that makes me feel small and guilty.

All these shortcomings, that drain us of energy and keeps us mediocre, are due to the lack of adequate clarity- clarity in knowing what we want; in defining our own standards precisely; in being aware of our weaknesses.

So, in an attempt to breathe more clarity and thus, improve my life, I have begun writing what I call "MY RULEBOOK". (I got the basic idea from the books of self-help gurus Robin Sharma and Anthony Robbins.) "My rulebook" is basically a short personalized manual for living. Since the value systems differ from person to person, there's not a one-size-fits-all code for us. Each person writes his own rulebook. Strictly speaking, the rules aren't confined to moral rules alone- it also has rules created from self-observation (popularly called lifehacks) to facilitate effective living. As funny and phoney as it may sound, it works.

Without further long-winded theory, let me share my rulebook. The parts in italics are the rules and the ones in brackets are the rationales behind them.

1. Never make decisions or speak when you are emotional.
   (When we are extremely emotional, more often than not, our decisions will be wrong. It is better to get our objectivity back before deciding.)
   
   
2. Be nice to people, especially to the ones who'll put up with you even when you're not.
   (We throw our tantrums and take the people who make our lives so much special, for granted. What's the point of smiling at strangers if you wince at mom?)
   
   
3. Never talk behind a person's back. Never ever. If possible, defend those who are absent.
   (If you have criticisms, make them to the person involved. If they don't listen, leave it at that.)
   
   
4. Listen to both sides of a story before judging. 
   (There are always two versions of the same story.)
   
   
5. If a task takes less than 30 minutes to do, do it right then. Don't put it off or schedule it for a later time.
   (I am a chronic procrastinator and this rule has been a life-saver. Sometimes, the time it takes to do do a task is lesser than the time it takes to plan or schedule it. Besides being counter-productive, these tasks seldom get done.)
   
   
6. Plan for tomorrow, today. Have a maximum of 3 outcomes.
   (Knowing what to do when you get up, gives a lot of direction to life.)
   
   
7. Never go to bed without finishing the day's work.
   (This ensures that things don't keep piling up)
   
   
8. Ask "What am I doing?" and "Why am I doing this?" before doing anything.
   (Contrary to the opinion that they will make life become mathematical and lose all spontaneity, having a sense of purpose helps milk life to the maximum.) 
   
   
9. If you're talking more to other people than you are to yourself, then you are over communicating. 
   (We tend to grossly over communicate. Social media, instant messaging etc have ensured that in our free time (and increasingly, our work time also) we keep ourselves in unnecessary, meaningless connection with people, so much so that we are bored whenever we are left with ourselves.)
   
   
10. Disconnect. Never bring the phone to the dining table or workspace or bed. 
    

    Have fixed times for technology. Don't serve technology. Let it serve you.
    (We live in a time of dramatic distraction. So it is very essential to not be controlled by the incessantly buzzing mobile and not be distracted by the limitless avenues of distraction that the Internet opens up.)
    
    
11. In relationships as in life, contribute like crazy. Focus on doing- go the extra mile.
    (The rewards are a consequence.)
    
    
12. If you get a chance to help someone, do the best you can. Don't expect anything back.
    (Being a genuinely good person will pay off sooner or later.)
    
    
13. Do what you have to do. Sometimes, the chances that your efforts will actually bring about a palpable result might be slim. But if it's something that you have to do, then you do it.
    (An outnumber soldier knowing well that death is certain, fights. A man who gives a starving kid, a single biscuit, does not do away with the kid's hunger even temporarily. A sport team seldom walks walks over in the face of imminent defeat. Sometimes, the only prize we get for our actions is self-respect and that's a pretty huge prize.)
    
    
14. Aim to be right, not popular. The easy and popular decisions are seldom the right things to do. Never to something to conform.
    (We all have a moral code. And most of the times our moral code is objectively right. So long as we act in accordance to it, there's no problem. The problem arises when we know something to be wrong but do it nevertheless just to be popular or because it's easy.)
    
    
15. Sleep less. 
    (Benjamin Franklin said "..there will be sleeping enough in the grave..")
    
    
16. "Motivation doesn't last. Neither does bathing. So, practice it daily." - Zig Zaglar
    (Life tends to roll back to mediocrity unless consciously directed.)
    
    
17. Say "thanks" and "please". Be polite and courteous.  
    

    Complement. 
    
    
18. When you know you've made a mistake, say "sorry" as soon as you can.
    (Accepting your mistakes is sign of strength.)
    
    
19. Give everyone at least one chance.
    
    
20. Learn to say "No." 
    (There's nothing sadder that doing something you don't want to.)
    
    
21. Never bore people with your problems. They do not care.
    
    
22. “Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.” ― Maggie Kuhn
    
    
23. Seek to understand what the other person is telling.
    (“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” - Stephen R. Covey)
    
    
24. You are in charge of your emotions. Do not let another person dictate your feelings.
    ("They upset me." is a flawed sentence construction. "I chose to feel upset because of what they did" is better.)
    
    
25. Focus on evolution rather than revolution. A minor improvement sustained over a long period of time is better than a major improvement that is short lived.
    (Starting small is grossly underrated. It works in subtle and yet, powerful ways.)
    
    
26. Journal every night. Journaling is like conversing with your best self. 
    (One of the best ways to improve self-awareness.)
    
    
27. Express. Express your affection, your love, your admiration.
    (Sometimes expressing yourself can make all the difference in the world, to the people you care about.)
    
    

My rulebook is far from perfect. The rules aren't prioritized. Neither is it complete. It's a work in progress.. I guess it always will be. Many of these rules have been adopted verbatim from articles and quotes I serendipitously came across. Many are my own. Whenever I learn a lesson worth learning, I write it down here. Needless to say, I won't be referring it on a daily basis but that I have it written down, reinforces the rules in my head, increasing my self-awareness. That way, I can easily catch myself when I act incongruously to my value system. So, these are my rules and this is my code. What's yours?